Network this.

In college back in the mid ’90s, my Telecommunications professors hounded me and my classmates about the importance of networking. It was one of the main reasons I switched my major from T-com to English. I hated the idea of talking to people with the sole intention of advancing my career goals.

One thing was for sure: Nobody ever talked about networking in the English department. Unfortunately, I soon learned that was because no one in the English department knew the first thing about getting a job outside of academia or, more often, the food service industry.

Fifteen years on from college, I still hate networking. I am not a joiner. I don’t need or want friends based on common professional interests. I hate the word “mixer” unless it’s in reference to alcoholic beverages.

In spite of my inveterate distaste for face-to-face networking, I am an avid participant in online communities, particularly Facebook. Many people refer to the act of using these communities as “social networking.” I think that gives them an inaccurate — and bad — name.

Social networking web sites permit the user to avoid communicating with anyone he or she doesn’t want to talk to. Meanwhile, one can become “friends” with someone they admire — a popular band, for example — without ever having to actually exchange social graces with them. And one of the best things about online communities is that they are always “on.” They constantly hum with activity. You can keep up with them (or not) at whatever pace you wish.

In the end, it’s all about control. I can control my environment in a well-designed online community like Facebook to a startlingly precise degree. Meanwhile, a real-life professional mixer is fraught with unpredictability. The only thing you can foresee for sure is the place will be generously populated with self-interested people looking to make connections that, they hope, will be financially advantageous to them at some point in the future.

I understand the necessity of this. Especially for creative professionals who rely on freelance business for survival. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. And luckily, more and more online communities like Elance are making real-life professional networking events irrelevant. That’s a promising trend. Maybe soon everybody will be able to spend their free time socializing face-to-face with friends and family — you know, people who actually matter.

And now for something completely different.